My Reason for #2

Hunter is all better finally, he ended up waking up with a cough last Sunday so on Monday I took him to the doctor and it turned out the he had an ear infection. He thought that it may have started out as a viral infection and then turned into the ear infection based on his symptoms. So he got put on an antibiotic and is now just fine!
Yesterday I took him to the park and he had a great time! He went down each slide, the big kid and little kid ones several times. Had to try out all 4 swings and both of the backhoe things. Then had to go run back and forth across the bridge a bunch of times. A family from our ward came after a while and their kids (2 boys) are 4 and the younger one will be 2 in April. So Hunter is right between them in age. They also brought their little dog with them and Hunter chased the poor thing for like 15 min straight. The dog was smart enough to stay out of arms reach the whole time even though Hunter was right behind it everywhere it went. I finally got him convinced to go back and play on the toys again, and of course later he continued his pursuit of the dog. When he finally started playing again it was just too cute. The other 2 boys were going down the slides and so Hunter joined them. And the older boy just ignored him and the younger boy pretty much did too but more just cuz he's younger and oblivious, the older boy was ignoring Hunter cuz he was younger and not his brother. Hunter kept on following them around and would love every time they laughed. At one point the older brother had his younger brother on his lap going down the slide and his mom wanted a picture so Hunter went and joined them right behind the older brother. I think he was oblivious to the fact that he wasn't really apart of what was going on but he just kept following around like he was.... My lovely pregnancy emotions I about started crying. I thought it was so sad to see him wanting to play with someone so much that he would just follow them around everywhere. He was so sweet just wanting to be playing with everyone else but it was really hard for me to watch him wanting so much to be apart of their fun and being ignored. Even though he didn't seem to notice he was ignored it still hurt me to watch. For a little bit I was thinking I was such a crappy mom for taking him to the park without a friend. Later I calmed down and realized that even if he didn't have a friend with him he still had a much better time than he would have just sitting at home. And I also realized that he does have a LOT of friends that he gets to play with all the time. With my 4 days of work every week and nursery there is 5 out of the 7 that he is playing with friends. And he talks about them all all the time. This experience also made me so so so happy that I'm about to have a baby. My little guy needs a friend at home too. I have to admit I was very apprehensive about having another baby. Being a mom doesn't come naturally to me. I also made it harder on myself, the whole time I was pregnant with Hunter I was in denial to the fact that I was pregnant and things were going to change. I made plans with my boss but it just didn't hit me until I had Hunter and couldn't go to work anymore. I wanted nothing more than to go back to life the way I knew it. I love to work, and not to be conceited I think I'm good at it too. Being a mom, I'm not so good at that. I'm trying and I think I'm getting better. It took a long time for me to except my new life away from work. So agreeing to bring a new baby into this life that I have so struggled with was really hard for me. Ben had wanted to try for quite some time before we finally did try, and even when I finally agreed to trying I was still not so sure I was OK with it. Even the first several months of being pregnant I just didn't know what we were thinking, especially on days that I was having a rough time with Hunter. I just kept thinking why in the world did I agree to put another kid through my craziness. I have also never in my life been baby hunger, until the past month or so. Now I just want this baby to come so that I can hold and play with him or her. And I have even thought seriously about quitting my job all together, unfortunately I don't think that will happen for a while (we love house payments.) That trip to the park sealed the deal for me though. Seeing my son so alone (even though he didn't notice) just made me so happy that I had agreed to have another baby. I don't know what I would do without my siblings they have pulled me through way too many tough times than I can count. I am so happy I can give the joy of family to my son. He needs a friend and even though there will definitely be times that they aren't friends I know from my own experiences that that doesn't matter cuz the times they are are all that will matter in the end. This is way more open than I usually am but I felt it needed to be told. Maybe it's for me in the future when we decide if we will have more kids, or maybe its for someone that will read this, to help them decide if it's the right choice. I'm telling you (and myself) that it is, even though it's bound to be hard and the new baby will bring it's own set of challenges, it's worth it to never have to see him so alone again. I love my son so very much and can't imagine if I made him go through this life alone.
Well that was another huge post sorry! Here is my cute boy swinging at the park: